I will apologise for myself often, even though I do little wrong. My goal is to please you and feel accepted by you, nothing more.
I am hypersensitive to the words you speak, and the tone of your voice. I take careful note of them because this is how I learn to please you in the best possible way. I am always looking for ways to feel accepted, but they keep hiding from me. I don’t know how it feels to be loved, but I do know how to meet your needs.
I will lose track of time and any sense of who I am, as I am devoted only to you. I will be emotionally crushed each time I disappoint you and will feel shame when you raise your voice or your hand to me, which you will often do. I allow it because it feels normal, and I probably deserve it.
I am drawn to you because you have specific needs and are sad inside like me. Your life is chaotic, but that’s OK because I know all about chaos. I can help you find peace, and then we can be happy.
This is what I often tell myself, but it’s never going to happen. I give you the attention and adoration that you need, and you provide me with shelter and company. I will see this as protection and acceptance, but it is neither.
We will always be in pain as we dance together, but we dance in perfect synchronisation. Both of us believe we love the other when nothing could be further from the truth.”
(Extract from the book, The Co-dependent diaries: Emotional Neglect & Narcissistic Abuse – a Recovery of SELF”. Available now on Amazon.
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