I will present myself as charming and caring, but that’s not who I am. As I sweep you off your feet, I will throw red flags at you; these are ‘tools’ I use to gauge your willingness to be abused and controlled by me. Don’t ignore them. If you choose to stay, this is what will happen to you:
I will ruin every special event in your life, and your friends will start drifting away. Your family will know what is going on but will feel powerless to intervene. You will be required to do as I say or face the consequences.
Your days will be chaotic, confusing, and your feelings will go ignored. I will blame you for anything that goes wrong, even for things I alone am responsible for. You will never hear the truth from me.
You may think I love you, but I don’t know how to love. I need you, and that is why I’m with you. I will never make you happy because I have no interest in your happiness. But if your happiness serves me for some reason, then I will pursue it.
You cannot fix me, and you shouldn’t try, because all I will do is sit back, watch you work and enjoy the attention.
Your joyous moments confuse me, and tears irritate me. I do not feel as you do you – I don’t know how to feel. I will mock your feelings and emotions because I minimise and negate anything I don’t understand or feel jealous of.
You will do all you can, and more, to please me and make my life special and in return, I will lie, cheat and control you in any way I can. I will make you feel like you’re crazy, and I will tell others you are mad.
You will spend most of your time second-guessing yourself and the remainder jumping through the many psychological hoops I create for you.
After making such an excellent early impression on you, I will go on to deplete you emotionally, spiritually, mentally and financially, and then blame you for it. You will become so hooked on the person you thought I was that you can’t bear to face the reality of who I am.
You end up living a lie and become desperate for some relief, but it is only I that can give it to you (or so I lead you to believe).
You will be trapped in the following cycle: abuse – relief – abuse. Your life will not be about you anymore; it will be about me. I will use subversive tactics to get what I need from you, or anyone else who has something I want. If you try to leave me, I will hunt you down and punish you.
This is the warning I would never give but do so here as I am arrogant enough to believe you will never leave me.
(An extract from the book, The Co-Dependent Diaries: Emotional Neglect & Narcissistic Abuse – A Recovery of SELF, by Zoe Livesley)
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