I grew up believing emotions were shameful and must be suppressed. My emotions were an irritation for my parents, so crying was something I did quietly and in secret to avoid embarrassment.
If you don’t have a clue who you are yet, even though you’re a fully grown adult, you may have had your emotions dismissed in childhood. My emotions didn’t just go away with the passage of time, or because I didn’t think about them, they remained stuck in my body and started causing major problems in key life areas, the main one being low self-worth.
When a person has poor self-esteem and no sense of worth it cuts them off at the knees each and every time they try to keep up with everyone else.
I had so many stuck emotions in my body they were screaming to be noticed. Repressed emotions express themselves in ways that end up sabotaging your every well-intentioned move, and always find a way to keep re-surfacing.
If someone was rude to me, I’d retreat into my shell for the rest of the day. My breathing would become shallow, and I would develop neck and upper back pain from the tension in my muscles. My spine was starting to change shape, it took great effort to raise myself up to a good standing or sitting posture, in fact, it was exhausting.
If someone ‘crossed me’ in the supermarket, I’d feel the urge to get up in their face and have a full-on roly-poly, down ‘n’ dirty fist fight with them on the floor. Me – a respectable woman and mother, who looked like the quiet lady who worked at the local library. This was my rage coming out, stemming from anger, hurt, and shame, but mostly shame.
Many years ago I got my first inkling that emotions can’t easily be brushed under anyone’s carpet. I was sat in a packed lecture theatre, all was silent bar the voice of the lecturer, and a few snores. And then out of the blue one of the students became hysterical. She started screaming and crying at the top of her voice; it sounded like she was being murdered, and no one knew what to do, not even the lecturer.
Eventually, we were all were told to leave. We disassembled from the place like it was a fire drill, and no one said a word. What was wrong with her? It sounded like a medical emergency. But no ambulance came, and things resumed to normal quite quickly.
It turned out she had been suffering from stress. She was far away from home, things were getting on top of her, and she had a mini breakdown – a kind of dramatic release of all the emotions that had been welling up inside her. She returned to classes the next day and bravely stood on the stage to address the whole lecture theatre about what had happened.
We were on the edge of our seats, as she calmly explained that her studies had been getting on top of her and she was missing her family, who were in another country. We could see that she was a lucid, regular, very NORMAL girl, and this could happen to any of us.
By acknowledging an emotion, you are also acknowledging a part of yourself, and therefore giving yourself validation. Maybe you are the first person to ever do it. You are recognising that the emotion is part of you, that you accept it and will listen to what it’s trying to tell you, and then do something about this situation to make things better. This is an act of self-love.
As Richard Grannon explains, we need to release trapped emotions when healing from narcissistic abuse and complex PTSD. We tend to recognise only the most basic emotions, such as fear, anger or happiness, but each emotion can be sub-divided into other emotions. For example, you may feel the emotion of anger, but then find other emotions relating to your anger such as pain, hurt, abandonment, or rejection.
Each one of these emotions can be explored until you reach a better understanding of the original emotion. By doing this you’re allowing yourself to be fully present with your feelings and giving yourself permission to come forward and express an important part of yourself.
This exercise also expands your emotional database and helps you find more information about yourself. Your emotions ARE YOU; they hold many answers. To start exploring, ask yourself:
What event happened to stir up this emotion?
What particular thought pre-ceded this emotion?
What does this emotion feel like in your body, i.e a heavy sensation?
Where on your body can you feel it? i.e. upset stomach, feeling out of breath?
Where is it coming from do you think?
Is there a time when you have felt this way before?
What are you afraid of?
What do you suppose this emotion may be trying to tell you?
Why would you want to suppress this particular emotion?
What were your parent’s beliefs about emotions?
What are your beliefs about emotions?
Do you eat, drink, smoke or use drugs to make yourself feel better ‘emotionally’?
Once acknowledged emotions become less intense and we are no longer ‘triggered’ by other events so much, if at all. Nowadays I see emotions as messengers who need to be listened to, and not pushed away. Emotions are there for a reason and are what make us human. If we are shamed into denying them, or if we deny them ourselves, what would be become?
The essence of our life experience is to learn, grow and master. For most of us, it takes pain to make us look at a situation, but this pain gets blocked from our conscious awareness, via many ways – drugs, alcohol, Netflix binging, etc.
Kinesiology works by identifying these hidden emotions so we can grow and heal. By releasing toxic emotions stored in our organs, glands and systems, we free ourselves up to make healthier life choices, and we are no longer paralysed by fear. We can start to finally live the life we truly deserve.
If this resonates with you, perhaps you too will benefit from seeing a Kinesiologist. Make an appointment today.
Richard Grannon – spartanlifecoach.com & YouTube Channel
Walker, P. 1995: The Tao of Fully Feeling. Azure Coyote Publishing.
Walker, P. 2013: Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving. Azure Coyote Publishing.